Why I Don’t Take Tours

I don’t want to be stuck the old docent who rattles on incoherently.

I don’t want to be stuck with the cocky, charismatic wheeler-dealer who gives you what he thinks is a good time.

I don’t want to be stuck with the expert who is all about the dry facts.

I don’t want to be stuck with the new guide who doesn’t know shit.

I don’t want to be stuck with a wokester who is all about catering to an audience that’s not actually in front of them.

Once the tour has started, you’re stuck. You may not know the way back or can’t get back without your guide. You don’t want to complain during the tour–that’s not going to make anything better. All the while you are trying to be polite while thinking of the money and time you are wasting.

Admission: I am a tour guide and trainer of tour guides.

I don’t claim to be the best guide or the best teacher of guides but I can recognize untrained staff and missed opportunities. And I know that a few hours of training go a long way.

I can tell when a guide has some tricks in their toolbox to make their tours more engaging. I can tell when a guide has a greater purpose than simply fulfilling their job duty. And I love these guides because they care about the time they are spending with their audiences. If the COVID pandemic taught us one thing, it is that we crave quality time with each other. And what the interim years since COVID has taught us, it is that we don’t have time to waste on bad experiences.

What good is the out-of-touch docent if you want to know why the resource is valuable?

What good is a charismatic guide if you can’t get a word in edgewise to ask for the bathroom?

What good are an expert’s facts if you don’t have the background knowledge to care?

What good is youthful energy if the info is wrong?

What good is being inclusive if common ground hasn’t been found?

I’ve got stories, let me tell you… some bad, some great.

Tune in next time (ish) and I will talk more on what a good tour is and is not. (P.S. all the photos below… great tour guides. I’m not all Debbie Downer!)